Woman Finds “Natural” Birth Control Methods Cause Side Effects of Vomiting, Missed Period

In recent years, a growing number of social media users have been promoting the use of “natural.” non-hormonal birth control methods as the ideal option for sexually active women. However, UI sophomore Emily Meyers claims that using these methods can bring unexpected side effects.

“I thought that using natural birth control rather than the pill or an IUD would mean I’d face zero side effects,” Meyers said. “The first few months were fine, but recently I have developed nausea, vomiting, a missed period, and weight gain. I was completely blindsided.”

Meyers says that when she first became sexually active in college, she knew she needed to get on birth control, but “not in a slutty way.” She first learned about natural birth control from TikTok influencer @BeautyVibesXoxo.

“I always watch this girl’s videos because she posts really cute and aesthetic outfits,” explains Meyers. “But one day, she made this video explaining how when she went on the pill, her teeth started falling out and she went colorblind. The cool text graphics she used made me think she really knew her stuff.”

The video in question was a paid sponsorship with FertiLux, a fertility tracking app that allows users to prevent pregnancy based on knowledge of their menstrual cycles. Meyers was able to purchase the app with the 15% off discount code “LUV4EVA” from @BeautyVibesXoxo. She thought she would finally be able to have sex without fear of pregnancy, but now she says the side effects nearly defeat the purpose.

“I don’t feel like going out and having fun with guys now that my boobs constantly hurt and I feel like throwing up all the time,” Meyers said. “Plus, I’ve been gaining lots of weight in my stomach, so my crop tops don’t feel as cute anymore.”

When asked how sure she was of the effectiveness of fertility awareness methods, Meyers was confident. “BeautyVibesXoxo would never lie to me. Besides, I’m super careful– I’ve doubled up on my birth control methods. In addition to fertility tracking, I use the Sagebrush Method.”

When asked what the Sagebrush Method was, Meyers explained, “I found a girl on Instagram who sells this green juice that has sage in it. Only unlike a normal green juice, instead of drinking it, you put it up your cooter before sex. Just like burning sage gets rid of bad vibes in a room, putting sage up there gets rid of the sperm’s bad vibes.”

Despite the adverse side effects of natural birth control, Meyers says she would never switch to hormonal methods.

“We shouldn’t be putting just anything into our bodies,” Meyers said after taking a large sip of RedBull.

Doily reporters reached out to Dr. Eileen Suarez, an OB-GYN from UI Hospitals and Clinics, for expertise regarding the implications of natural birth control methods. She noted that she does not recommend using green juice “in that particular manner” and requested that Meyers make an appointment with her immediately.