Whoopsies! Funding Pulled from Tippie: Someone’s Getting Fired…

The One Place They Didn’t Want to Do That

Over the last few months, different departments all across the University have been losing their funding en masse. This morning, the next department to put out an official email informing its community of a sudden loss of monetary endorsement was surprisingly, the people who’re supposed to have that money stuff under control: The Tippie College of Business.

In the Instagram post from @tippiecollege, the business school states: “Due to new governmental policies from the Department of Education on both a national and state level, we regret to inform our students that much of our grant-based funding has been pulled from the Tippie College of Business. We intend to advocate for this decision to be reversed as soon as possible, but in the meantime the Tippie College of Business may be seeing some significant changes.”

Many Tippie students were shocked by this news and seem convinced that there must have been some sort of error. After all, as the University pulls funding from international, liberal arts, or even science programs, the Tippie College of Business has remained wholly unaffected in their Stocks 101 and How to Start an MLM lectures. However, now that this issue might personally be affecting the sanctified halls of Pappajohn Business Building, the students are starting to question these financial policies that they previously hadn’t cared about.

Some of the changes coming to Tippie, according to the mass email from the University, include prices increasing at Pat’s Diner and Pat’s Too, elective courses being reduced to only those that will provide opportunities for entrepreneurial growth and financial investing skills, and the directory TVs being uninstalled since they don’t work anyway. There are rumors that students are planning a fundraiser with Papa John’s Pizza to regain some of these lost perks, but no official announcement has been made.

When the Doily Allergen reached out to the University of Iowa for an official statement, we received no response. However, an anonymous source inside Tippie contacted Doily to inform us that “someone’s getting fired,” and “this was the one place they didn’t want to pull funding from.”

These statements lead us here at Doily to believe that this loss of funding is likely very temporary for Tippie, so business students everywhere: do not panic! Before long, you’ll be back to languishing in your city-block sized building with all the excess you’re accustomed to. In the meantime, we hope you enjoy feeling how the rest of us have gotten to feel this last month for a little bit.