White Saviors Devastated They Won’t Be Able To Take Selfies With Underprivileged Children Over Break

With the cancellation of spring break 2021 at the university, all study abroad trips for that week, including volunteer missions, are no longer happening. This has disastrous implications for dozens of students.

“What’s gonna happen to those kids?” says Angela Freeman, who was planning on going on a volunteer trip to build a school. “Who’s gonna take photos with them?”

Many students are finding it difficult to accept the cancellations, calling COVID-19 a hoax designed to keep them from helping people with “AIDS or malaria or whatever”. When we pointed out that none of the planned spring break trips involved helping people diagnosed with those illnesses, they waved it off, insisting that, “everyone’s got AIDS in Africa."

Other students are worried about their grades. Engineering majors taking creative writing electives are upset that their main topic has dried up. “I can always write a violently misogynistic power trip superhero fantasy,” says Brad Davis, a member of the Alpha Alpha Delta fraternity. “But I’d rather write about how a group of underprivileged kids were the ones helping me, instead of the other way around. They really made me understand myself more, and about how good of a person I am for wanting to help them."

Katelyn Summers, a sophomore political science major at the university, led a march on Sunday to protest the cancellations. “My self fulfillment need is dangerously low,” she said. “I need to be inspired by children who can be so happy while living with so little. They don’t even know what smartphones are. They don’t have the Internet!” After a quick Google, we determined this to be generally inaccurate.

We contacted several of the organizations that students were supposed to help and most of them responded with “Oh thank God.”

Student organization the Salt Company has released a statement saying that to make up for the loss of their extremely vital mission trips, they will be sending members to local schools to see if they need a 20 something white person to save them.