We Roasted Herky This Thanksgiving: How Did He Taste?

We at the Doily Allergen are all about cutting corners whenever we can. So, when it came to Thanksgiving, why would we go out and buy a regular turkey when Herky is there just waiting for us to eat them? But to our surprise, Herky was not as tasty as they seem. 

Sure, Herky has a fat, juicy ass, but Herky meat is anything but. As we cut into our roasted Herky, it completely deflated (in the style of The Christmas Vacation turkey). But we didn’t let that ruin our cheer, we still passed around what little Herky meat we could, and feasted on it. 

But the meat itself was impossible to chew through. In fact, it broke our butcher knife, and we had to use a chainsaw to get any of the good stuff. We at the Doily Allergen are still gathered around the Thanksgiving table, still chewing on the singular slice of Herky meat with no luck at making it any smaller. Herky, while sweet as can be, is actually pretty disgusting in food form. 

Herky tasted like a combination of old imitation crab meat and pickles, which by themselves seems to be a little appetizing, but trust us, when put together it isn’t. And after a while the meal got kinda sad. With Herky roasted in front of us, who are we going to write all our articles about? Making fun of Barb Wilson is only funny when littered in between articles about Herky. Maybe cutting corners wasn’t worth roasting our beloved mascot. We at the Doily Allergen aren’t going to let this one mistake ruin us. We are going to go and right our wrongs, no matter what it takes to do so.