University of Iowa Moves DEI LLCs to Guantanamo Bay

Rumors have begun to spread across campus about the closure of our living-learning communities committee, with claims being made that they “Promote DEI” and are “Too woke.” We here at the Doily would like to quell this misinformation. The LLCs are not being removed, they are being moved to Guantanamo Bay.

“The decision to move the LLCs to Guantanamo Bay has been the easiest I’ve ever made.” President Wilson told one of our reporters. “This way we get to keep our funding and all those DEI hires get their own space far away from the rest of us. Plus, none of those queers want to be in Catlett, it’s the straightest building we have.”

“Those moving into the new LLCs will enjoy meeting a variety of people from all over the country,” Barb assured us, “And we’ve divided each group into their own ‘camps’ so to say.” 

We at the DA think this will be a great new location for the LLC members to spend time and bond. With the camps switch to online classes, they will have plenty of time to concentrate on their classwork and communities.