University of Iowa Announces Plan to Have Cake, Eat It Too

Following the national outcry of support for Dr. Lisa Covington, the University of Iowa has announced a new Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion plan that would allow them to have the best of both worlds: claiming they care about DEI whilst not exemplifying that commitment through their actions. This plan effectively allows them to both have their cake and eat it too.

“We really, really don’t want to stop being racist,” said University of Iowa DEI director Tiz Lovar in an interview with the Doily Allergen. “But we also don’t want anyone to call us racist, because that would hurt our feelings… and our donor support. Our plan is to just say that we support all that DEI stuff on our website and whatnot, but beyond that, we can really do whatever we want. Who says you can’t have your cake and eat it too?”

Our Doily Allergen reporter left Lovar’s office as she was stuffing another piece of cake in her mouth, but we were shocked by our recent discovery of the University’s hypocrisy. We decided to survey current POC students for their thoughts on the plan.

“Yeah that seems about right,” said sophomore Daveed Green. “Honestly I’m not even surprised, every time I go into the DEI office their mouths are so full of cake that they can’t even read from their prepared statements. And whenever you call them out on it, they just say ‘We’re not eating cake right now. Haven’t you read our DEI plans where it said we were going on a diet?’ But, like, you can clearly see them eating cake in there. It’s so frustrating, but I’ve gotten used to it.”

Unfortunately, the Doily Allergen could not reach out to any POC students who are members of the UI Young Republicans or Young Americans for Freedom. But we suspect many of them support the University’s new plans just based on their whole vibe.