UI Students Start Multicultural Org for White People, Finally!

At last, something for the Whites! In a historic decision, a group of University of Iowa students requested the approval of a multicultural org for white students, and the University reluctantly agreed.

No more are the days of the Whites feeling left out. This monumental event marks one of the first major decisions benefiting white people in the United States in nearly six decades. Some have proposed the question of whether or not this will pave the way for more rights for the historically underprivileged and underrepresented Whites.

We caught up with the founder of the student org, who insisted on being referred to as the Grand Wizard, rather than president. His name is Thomas Robb.

“The Whites need a place to share their culture,” Robb said. “Every other race, if that’s what you want to call the things, gets something. Why shouldn’t we?”

The organization has dubbed itself Keeping Kampus Klean. Activities at their meetings include eating crumpets, Irish stepdancing, listening to Mr. Brightside, burning crosses, and rapping NWA lyrics word-for-word.

“Whites in America have always gotten the short end of the stick,” Robb continued. “All these civil rights movements only benefit people of color. They get free boat rides from Africa, easy jobs building railroads, cushy lives in Mexico… What about the Whites? When are we gonna get anything? It’s 2023, I thought we were past the age of racial prejudice.”

Keeping Kampus Klean has attracted many prospective members who are considering joining.

“It’s nice to have something for me. I enjoy surrounding myself with likeminded people,” white UI student Conner Scott said. “I apprecirate seeing the University push an inclusive agenda. I think that’s what makes this campus so beautiful.”

Scott, a third-year business major, says he as always struggled finding “his people,” as he calls them, since coming to the University of Iowa. Because of this, he has been reluctant to get involved with the hundreds of student organizations on campus; however, Keeping Kampus Klean has changed that for him.

Earlier this year, UI’s Multicultural & International Student Support and Engagement, MISSE, opted to combine the numerous cultural centers around campus into one, small building dedicated to MISSE. They have now revealed that this decision was because of the opening of the brand new KKK Cultural Center, which will be a castle opening across the street from the MISSE Cultural Center.

“We’re starting small, but we’ll build up from there,” Robb said. “I’m sure that it will take some getting used to now that the Whites have a presence on campus. I just hope that the other multicultural organizations are as accepting toward us as they are toward each other.”

Keeping Kampus Klean has even garnered some national attention. Faces such as George Lucas and J. K. Rowling have commended the University of Iowa for pushing a message they’ve been spreading for years: more white representation!

Keeping Kampus Klean is set to open next week. If you would like to apply, please approach the cornfield northeast of Iowa City wearing nothing but a white robe. Bring your own torch. DO NOT bring a cellphone. 9:00 p.m. next Wednesday.