UI Office Of The Registrar Consults Very Wise Owl To Schedule Final Exam Times

Following instructions laid out by University code 108.2(b), the UI Office of The Registrar consulted a very wise owl to schedule final exam times. Registrar officials like Michael Burgess track the owl’s sound and movement to determine the hours and locations for various finals.

“Take this one for example,” Burgess said. “The owl hooted thrice over a fifteen minute period, which according to official registrar guidelines, means that the final for Elementary Psychology should take place at 8:00 am in the John Pappajohn Business Building. Clearly, this sucks for the 391 students taking the final, and we would change it if it were up to us. Unfortunately, that’s just not how things work around here. If the owl is displeased, we would get a strongly worded email from our supervisors.”

Burgess explained why he chose to schedule the final for Organic Chemistry I and Diversity of Form and Function on the same day in the same lecture hall.

“The owl turned its head, blinked twice, and did not hoot,” Burgess said. “It’s really not our decision. It is university policy to do what the owl says. If the students are upset about their final exam times, the wise-old owl holds office hours somewhere deep in the woods between sundown and sunrise. We ask that they take it up with the owl, not us.”