UI Announces In-Person Socially Distanced Graduation Expected to Last 3 Days

As the world begins returning to a sense of normalcy, the University of Iowa College of Liberal Arts and Sciences has decided to offer in-person graduation to the class of 2021—a ceremony that is expected to last over 72 hours.

In the interest of practicality and student safety, the University will require strict adherence to CDC safety guidelines; students will have to socially distance, the stage will be completely disinfected with Clorox wipes between graduates, and all new graduation caps will include built-in face shields. In compliance with these rules, graduates will be expected to line up six feet apart as they wait to accept their diplomas. UI organizers anticipate the line reaching all the way to North Liberty.

Moreover, because organizing students by name and major will prove to be too much of a challenge, graduates are required to accept whichever degree happens to be handed to them when they reach the stage.

“I’m really hoping for a mathematics degree,” English major Trent Freeman told the Doily Allergen, “I think that’d open up a lot of good career prospects.”

Seating for parents and family will be provided in Solon.

Johnson county residents are advised to stay indoors during graduation to avoid potential exposure to COVID, hangover halitosis, and postgraduate anxiety.