Top Ten Ways to be the Coolest Person During Syllabus Week
With the first week of classes underway, many of us are looking for a fresh start this semester. Whether you’re trying to get better grades, be in more clubs, or go on more dates we can all use this new semester as a new start. What we ALL can agree on is that being cool is awesome, and no one else on campus knows more about being cool than us at the Doily Allergen. So, for you uncool people out there, we thought we would give you some tips and tricks for hopping on the cool train this semester that you can use to impress all your new classmates this Sylly Week.
Tell everyone around you about that cool trip you took abroad, even when they look less than interested. Trust us, there is nothing people love more than hearing about that super fun and awesome trip you took while they were stuck at home for the last month. Plus, you can set yourself apart from the rest of your super lame, unworldly classmates.
Read the Syllabus thoroughly and ask to make sure the homework is assigned on the right date. There’s nothing worse than missing homework. So, if you read the syllabus and noticed there was supposed to be an assignment due that the professor hasn’t talked about, go ahead and ask! All your classmates will be eternally grateful for you because you made sure that the first assignment was assigned on the correct date.
Sit at the end of the row in the lecture hall. Picking the spot where you sit in lecture is a true indicator of coolness. Only the cool kids sit at the end of the row, and lame people move to the center to make more room. You’re sitting on the end to show how individualistic you are, how you’re not like the other kids. Plus, climbing over you is a free workout for your new classmates so they don’t have to go to the Rec after class. You get to establish yourself as cool, and they save time. A win win if you ask us!
Really make sure people understand how funny your icebreaker story is. Did you tell an icebreaker story that you thought was funny, but nobody laughed? Don’t worry, the best thing you can do in this situation is explain the joke to your classmates. They probably just didn’t understand that super funny and complex joke you were telling and needed someone smart like you to explain it to them. Trust me, they’ll be laughing in no time.
Be super mysterious and say nothing during the allotted icebreaker time. Or maybe you’re not super extroverted, don’t worry, there’s nothing cooler than the quiet stoic kid in the back of class. So, when you’re asked to say your icebreaker, say nothing at all. It shows that you don’t care what other people think, which is the coolest thing you can be. Plus, if you stay silent for long enough, you kill class time. Trust us, quiet = sexy.
Spray on some more of that Axe body spray after hitting the Rec. Is getting back into shape your New Year’s resolution? Do you not have time to workout, shower, and still make it to class on time? Don’t worry, we have the solution for you: Axe body spray. You can cover up that gross sweaty smell, with that wonderful fragrance we all know and love. Plus, the ladies love it, so don’t be shy, put some on (Bonus cool points if you sit RIGHT next to someone afterwards).
Show up fifteen minutes late and tell the whole class why. The coolest people in class are the ones who show up late. They’re even cooler when they show up late, stop the whole class, and tell everyone why they were late. It just shows what a good storyteller you are. You stopped the WHOLE class just to explain how you slept through your alarms. I mean captivating an audience of that size just speaks to how cool you really are. And afterwards we can guarantee that everyone’s going to stop and ask you to tell them everything else that happened to you today.
Eat in the middle of class. Do you have class right in the middle of lunch time? Don’t worry, just take your lunch with you. Everyone will think that you’re so cool, I mean you don’t let this class stop you from doing what you really want to do, which is to eat. You will score extra cool points if you bring in a lunch that is particularly fragrant or loud to eat, it just means that you don’t give a fuck, which as we said before, is the coolest trait a person can possess.
Make yourself at home. Cool people walk into a space and aren’t afraid to claim it as their own, and the lecture hall is no different. Get comfortable! Take off your shoes, turn up your tik toks, lounge over more than one chair, trust me, if you start the trend, other people are going to catch on and do the same.
Don’t show up at all. But the absolute coolest thing you can do during Syllabus week is not show up at all. Only weirdo, lame people care about school, and going to class. Cool people don’t need school to learn, they have the knowledge built into them. Plus, the coolest person in the room is always the one not in the room at all.
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