Time’s Up, Kyle: Venmo Introduces New “Fuck You. Pay Me” Automatic Reminder

After two weeks of that little bitch of a roommate Kyle saying “tomorrow, I promise,” Venmo rolled-out their new “Fuck You. Pay Me” automatic reminder that will encourage that sloth to step the fuck up and pay rent.

“User experience is incredibly important to us,” said Norah Roberts, a Venmo representative. “Recent surveys show that an overwhelming amount of college students feel passive-aggressive reminders currently available on the Venmo app aren’t working. Especially not on this stupid motherfucker named Kyle, who totally has the best bathroom and never starts the dishwasher. Student bank accounts simply can’t handle the full weight of rent in college towns, and it’s about God damn time that Kyle be an adult like the rest of us.”

Venmo also reported that they were working on a feature that would allow users to express that they are “fed up with this little dick and his bullshit games,” assumably referring to Kyle. That asshole.