Tim Lester Revealed To Be Brian Ferentz In Funny Hat

Hawkeye football has been the talk of campus this fall, with much of the discussion surrounding our newfound offense. Who knew throwing the ball would make such a difference? 

Despite the occasional moment of glory, many students are still disappointed with our offensive production, which has led to much speculation about Tim Lester–the new Iowa football offensive coordinator–and who he really is. Particularly after the blowout loss to Ohio State, many students have remarked that some of his plays and mannerisms are awfully similar to the biggest skeleton in our closet: Brian Ferentz. 

Ferentz (may he rest in peace) was known for, among many other things, running the ball straight up the middle and going three-and-out over and over again. This seems to be a recurring theme this year as well, though we may have started to run for four yards a drive instead of three. Lester’s brutal repeated callbacks to previous seasons have led to a groundbreaking discovery: he’s actually just Brian Ferentz with a funny hat on. 

The revelation hasn’t come as a shock to Hawkeye fans, who, in some twisted way, actually seem to enjoy the torture caused by whoever happens to be the offensive coordinator. Punting has come to be a form of art for us, and watching Kaleb Johnson run the ball down the middle fifty times every game never gets old. 

Though the offense has started to look up, as Cade McNamara actually threw a touchdown pass in the Hawkeyes’ win over Washington, it has become clear that we will never escape our past, and punts are the future. Tim Lester–or, should we say, Brian Ferentz–deserves his flowers for that, at least. 

This is a developing story: expect more after the guaranteed shitshow that will be Iowa vs. Michigan State this Saturday.