This Kid’s Academic Accommodations Allow for Classes in the Tropics

No one wants to admit it, but it must be said: vacation’s over for most of us. Gone are the days when we were homework-free and could sleep in as late as we desired. Saying goodbye to winter break gives the same heart-wrenching agony as saying goodbye to a lover. Or a very good sandwich. We must cherish this memory as long as possible.

We’ve made it past Syllabus Week, and people are supposed to be getting back into the swing of things for the Spring 2024 semester. Braving the cold, the students of UIowa trudge their way across snowy terrain and hop on consistently unpunctual buses to get to their classes, knowing that it’s necessary to get those prized participation and attendance points. However, there’s one kid who’s been let off the hook. 

Joel Romanson––a third-year Business Major––recently freed himself from the blustering banality of Iowa City’s winter routine by doing one simple trick: reading the fine print of his Academic Accommodations. “I didn’t really game the system in any way,” says Romanson, sipping on a piña colada. “I just forgot to bring my phone to the bathroom one time and decided to read through the printed-out accommodations document I carry with me everywhere. Apparently, I had a clause in there that allowed taking my classes in a warmer climate if my ‘toesie-woesies’ got too ‘freezie-weezies’.”

And sure enough, as the snow came down along with the temperatures, Romanson brought this to the attention of the higher-ups and got himself a one-way ticket to the Bahamas. The SDS states that Romanson is the only student ever to receive this special gift and that it will never, ever happen again. What a lucky duck!

Joel Romanson gets to take his spring semester classes leisurely from the comfort of a lounge chair. He dives into the sand quite often during his biweekly beach volleyball games. He gets to photobomb vacationing families and couples, and he has the opportunity to be stung as many times by jellyfish as he pleases. The only ice in his life is the cubes in his complimentary drinks. And, most importantly, his toesie-woesies can dangle freely as he hangs ten, while everyone else’s freeze and fall off in the sub-zero temperatures. 

It’s enough to make any student jealous. Including you, dear reader. Why don’t you let out some steam and berate him online? It might warm you up a bit.