The Most Devious Lick Of All: This Girl Stole My Heart

It was a day like any other in Iowa City. I was walking down the Ped Mall when I noticed something peculiar. Several boys that couldn’t have been more than 16 were in the process of ripping a bench from the ground. Curious, I walked over to see what they were doing.

“Excuse me, what are you boys doing?” I asked.

“We’re doing a devious lick, bitch,” one of the boys replied. “We’re gonna steal this bench and get tons of TikTok clout”.

I had never heard of a “devious lick” before that day, but it seemed to be a synonym for stealing. These kids and their lingo! I didn’t think that devious licks would affect my life in any meaningful way.

And that’s when I saw her. Her hair was like golden strings of light dancing in the wind. Her skin was a caramel dream that made my knees buckle. Her piercing brown eyes made my heart skip a beat every time she looked at me. And her face was beautiful but down-to-earth. Freckles framed her cheekbones in such an adorable way that when she smiled, it felt as though she could shatter the whole world. She looked like the kind of girl you could take home to meet your mother and your mother would say, “Oh I like this one. You be good to her.” And your Dad would say “She’s a keeper, sport.”

I knew right then and there I had to ask her out. It wasn’t even a question in my mind. Only problem was, she had just boarded a Cambus at Downtown Interchange and was moving away from me at breakneck speeds. I bolted down the street after her but to no avail. The bus had driven away, and it had taken her with it, and I had nothing left but sore calves and a sore heart. I couldn’t believe it. The most beautiful goshdarn woman I had ever seen in my life… and she was just gone in an instant. Saddened and forlorn, I went about my day. But thoughts of that girl swam through my head, and I remembered her face clear as day, for if we ever met again.

I thought that was the end of it, but a few weeks later… I saw her again. I was at Summit (a new low for me) and was downing shot after shot and trying to ignore the gaping pit in my stomach when I saw something walking down Clinton: that shining golden hair. It was her. I couldn’t believe it. After all this time… I actually found her again. I quickly snapped out of my daydream and saw her walking into Pancheros, my favorite restaurant. This was my chance. I raced down the street, pushing past the hoards of drunk teenagers until I burst through the doors of Pancheros. And then… there she was. She was chowing down on the most massive burrito I have ever seen in my life, and she finished it in only 4 and a half bites. She was just my type. I was extremely nervous, but I finally built up the courage and walked over to her table.

We’ve been dating for nearly 6 months now, and we couldn’t be happier. My life feels like a dream. You know when someone just feels out of your league, and you can’t believe you get to spend every day with them? That’s how I feel. She’s the most important person in the world to me. Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I hadn’t stumbled upon those boys doing that devious lick that day. How different would my life have been if I hadn’t seen the love of my life on that bus? Y’know, it’s kind of funny actually… In a way, I feel like I’ve been the victim of a devious lick. But it wasn’t a hand dryer, or a pencil sharpener, or a toilet seat that was stolen. No… the most devious lick of all was when the love of my life stole my heart.