The Doily Allergen’s Tips for the Class of 2024

Beginning freshman year of college can be a real challenge, so The Doily Allergen has compiled a little advice for the next class of Iowa students destined to throw up outside Pancheros.

“Don’t try and lick the books in the library. Contrary to what the bum under the bridge told me, that does not help you understand the material better.” -Ryan Belguard

“Definitely pay attention during the OnIowa! (Go Hawks) classes at the beginning of the year. Before them, I had no clue rape was bad and that I should actively try to prevent it! I thought we were all just cool with that. My bad.” -Riley Molbin

“If you ever feel like you’re struggling and drowning in classwork, go to office hours! If you stay later than the scheduled hours, you can slowly watch your professor sink into despair along with you! It’s a nice pick-me-up during those long months of unending suffering.” -Alec Redbaun

“I always made an egg drop soup for my classes on the first day, to bring the class together in a meaningful way. You can do that too! Just pour that soup all over your laptop and everyone on the Zoom call will taste that soupy goodness.” -Joe Wellman

“Study Abroad.” -Kit Fitzgerald

“Things might be tough this semester, with online classes and the sense of dread that brings. It creeps up on you, ya know? At first you think it’ll be a fun change of pace, but soon the loneliness sets in. Have you ever seen a face, you start to wonder. You’re just not sure anymore. It became hard to even believe that anyone else existed, that the people replying to my ICON discussion posts weren’t just AI programmed to make me feel secure with being the last human on the planet. Honestly, it was a life altering event that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. Those little suckers will figure it out for themselves, though. I’m outta here!” -Maya Scheibe