The Doily Allergen Decides to Start Writing Satire

In a shocking turn of events—during a time in our country where the line between fact and fiction seems to be indistinguishable—the University of Iowa’s only newspaper, The Doily Allergen, has made the strange decision to no longer report on actual happenings around Iowa City and the university, instead opting to fabricate stories that merely sound like they could have actually happened.

We spoke with a correspondent at the DA, who informed us that the art of satire is dead, that we live in a time where the jokes write themselves, and that changing the genre of the publication from nonfiction to fiction would cut the staff’s workload in half.

“When you run a newspaper at a university that is willing to preemptively eliminate diversity committees for a bill that hasn’t passed for the sake of appeasing a nazi with a fancy governor’s office,” the correspondent said. “Who the hell cares about what’s “fact” anymore? It’s simply too easy to just give up on reporting the truth because nobody’s gonna know the difference!”

Although only time will tell how the DA’s content will shift from now on, so far it seems that absolutely nothing will change, and the newspaper’s articles will appear exactly the same.