TBT: Iowa YAF Chairman, Uncle Ruckus, Bravely Fights Tears Testifying Before House Judiciary Committee

Throwback Thursday!!! Let’s look back to November 2023 when the Iowa YAF chairman, Uncle Ruckus, bravely testified before the GOP House Judiciary Committee during their “Free Speech on College Campuses” hearing. Our valiant leader fought back tears as he recounted his experience of leading the charge against the woke-pilled libtards such as random trans students just trying to live their lives in peace (ridiculous, I know).

“The playing field for freedom of speech on college campuses is not equalized,” Ruckus said. “Our precious little genetically-superior white students often have to hide who they are and what they believe in so that they do not lose relationships or receive a lower grade or face constant doxxing, harassment, intimidation or threats.”

“And what do YAF members ‘believe in’?” a committee member asked.

“YAF believes that we need to keep these no-good minorities off our once-clean campus and allow the historically underprivileged, blonde-haired, blue-eyed, white students to finally have a chance to get up after being knocked down so many times,” Ruckus eloquently stated. “We’re tired of being harassed and doxxed just for being white!”

“Hold on, Chairman Ruckus, first of all,” the committee member so rudely interrupted, “what do you mean by ‘doxxing’?”

“Um, uh, ummm… No relation. Next question.”

“Second of all, you do not appear to be white.”

Surprisingly, the committee member was not immediately ejected from the hearing. This is solid evidence that the committee is secretly run by ANTIFA spies.

The committee member’s question appalled Ruckus, yet our courageous leader managed to persevere through the insult and provide a powerful answer.

“My beautiful white skin is simply hidden behind what the doctor has classified as Revitiligo,” Ruckus said. “It’s the opposite of what Michael Jackson got. At heart, I am just as genetically and morally pure as the likes of Ronald Reagan or Adolf Hitler.”

Stunned and without a coherent rebuttal, the committee member shamefully shifted the subject.

“Maybe we should talk about the effect Iowa YAF is having on marginalized students—particularly trans students?” the ANTIFA spy said.

“Those so-called ‘humans’ are the bane of my existence!” Ruckus slammed his fist on the table and shouted. “They are the leading cause of what’s keeping us from a functioning fascist society!”

“How have trans people affected you personally?”

“Oh… well, um… they affect me daily because, for some reason, whenever I see a trans person—particularly one of those girls with dicks—I get an unusual stiffness in my groin region and I become oddly infatuated. All of a sudden, my heterosexuality becomes so fragile that I feel I have to encourage trans people to kill themselves in order to feel like a big, strong, straight man. But, obviously, YAF’s message has absolutely no contribution to the starkly high death rates of trans people, and we’re simply expressing our right to free speech.”

“Don’t you think that sounds oddly similar to hate speech, not free speech?”

SOUND THE ALARMS! The House Judiciary Committee is clearly run by brainwashed troglodytes who wouldn’t know what a First Amendment right was if I committed a hate crime against a minority right in front of them! But, no worries, our brave leader knew exactly what to say.

“NO! NO! WAHH! WAHH! SOMEBODY CALL THE WHAMBULANCE! It’s not hate speech! It’s free speech! Being on the same moral ground as Nazis and Klan members can in no way be misconstrued as hate speech! You’re just a libtard that’s censoring my right to free speech! You’re a spy working for the University of Iowa sent to censor my First Amendment right!”

“Chairman Ruckus, the federal government entitles you to free speech, but I am not the federal government. I am just an individual person who feels what you are saying is overtly bigoted. Just because I disagree with you does not mean the University of Iowa is out to censor you. What you are doing is spreading hateful rhetoric and, when the majority of people on a predominantly liberal campus disagree with you, you are surprised for some reason and claim that your rights are being violated. Someone disagreeing with you is an example of them using their own right to free speech. This is not to mention that hate speech—which you are spreading—is an exception and is not protected by the First Amendment.”

We didn’t understand all this jibber jabber. Once again, you push a liberal in a corner and they start spouting random nonsense about death rates and bigotry. What even is that? Why can’t liberals just have a civil conversation for once? Shameful. Just shameful.

Anyway, we figured we’d take this fine Thursday to look back at one of the many times that Iowa YAF utterly destroyed the woke agenda piece by piece.

This hearing proved that liberals just don’t know how to argue against a black person who bravely leads the next wave of Nazism—er, um, I mean, uh, free speech!—in order to appeal to straight, white, Christian, cisgender, men.