Summit Drink Deal Gives Students Who Have Never Vomited On Floor Free Gallon Jug of Rumple Minze

The Summit Lounge & Nightclub announced a new weekend drink deal last Tuesday. UI students who have never vomited on the floor will receive a gallon jug of Rumple Minze absolutely free.

“It’s about showing appreciation for the kids who come out here and don’t puke their guts out into our sinks and trash bins,” said owner Daniel Krentz. “We hope offering these cool-headed students 3.7 liters of peppermint liquor at no charge will encourage them to continue not ralphing up nasty puddles of half-digested booze and popcorn all over the floor. Summit has always been here for young adults to have fun in a safe environment. Bar patrons who have helped foster that environment by not yaking heaps of vomit everywhere deserve a little extra something, namely—a big fucking container of 100 proof Rumple Minze.”

At press time, literally no one who frequents Summit was eligible for the deal, and management was talking about offering students who have never started a fight on the premises brass knuckles and a free bump of cocaine.