Study Finds EPB Looks 40% Better With Protest Graffiti

Researchers at the University of Iowa Aesthetics Laboratories have released the findings of a number of exhaustive reports that confirm that the English-Philosophy Building looks 40% better covered in protest graffiti than without it.

“We conducted dozens of focus group studies,” head researcher Dr. Marianne Lasler said. “And the results all indicated that the EPB is more visually appealing with phrases like “ACAB” and “Fuck 12” written across it in spray-paint. Three out of four participants noted that they thought the building looks better with a splash of color, and most of the other ones saw no discernable difference between the monstrosity before or after the vandalism.”

Lasler’s research found that by averaging the focus group responses and factoring in the objective standards of architectural beauty, the building’s aesthetic appeal increased by 40%, just enough to put it on par with buildings like Phillips Hall and Van Allen Hall. She also mentioned that the graffiti did not have the same results for all university buildings.

“Until we showed them pictures of the same graffiti photoshopped onto other university buildings, most of the focus group participants originally thought the enormous hastily-drawn pig in a police hat was part of some mural project to beautify the campus.”

The study’s findings also lend themselves to practical applications, with Lasler mentioning that the University could save money by avoiding expensive renovation projects on the building.

“Our research concluded that, ultimately, any aims to preserve this abomination are completely in vain. Take for instance their current construction project of replacing the concrete entranceway with a newer concrete entranceway. We could save thousands by just buying a can of Rust-Oleum, and as a bonus we could keep funding for the swim team. It’s definitely something to think about.”