Student who Opted out of Duo Push Logs in to Find Homework Done and UBill Paid

University of Iowa students have a long and complicated history with Duo Push and its so-called security benefits. While the university asks that you have it, one brave student opted out, and in doing so, put their Hawk ID on the line.

Duo Push is a login security system that requires students to answer a two calls on three separate devices, provide seven codes sent to their mother’s email, provide their Social Security number, and relive their first childhood memory, all in hopes of logging into websites like ICON with their Hawk ID. Some students argue that this is overkill, or even useless. One student, Richard Brent, decided he was done with Duo Push all together and opted out.

“What are hackers gonna do, log into my icon and do my homework?” Brent asked. “They’re calling me, they’re texting me, what next? Full molestation? It’s just not cool, you know?”

Richard Brent went one week without Duo Push and described his experience as “quick,” “impressively easy,” and “positively proactive.” With all the time he saved looking for codes and answering calls, he was finally able to balance a social life with classes and work. He was finally living the college dream.

At the end of the Duo-less week, Richard was met with shock as he logged into ICON and found things looking abnormal. His notification for seven assignments now appeared as a zero. His $30,000 of his unpaid UBill magically became $0. Professors were messaging him, commenting things like, “wow, Richard, you really stepped it up with this assignment!” and, “finally, a student who knows the value of the Oxford comma!” (Richard had never heard of or used the Oxford comma before).

Richard was so ecstatic to have suddenly logged in to find his homework done and Ubill paid. He sent a message to himself in hopes that his hacker might respond. He logged off for a few days and awaited a response… when he logged back in, he discovered a beautifully constructed response from his hacker. Highlights include loving phrases like, “Richard, dear, take it easy,” and, “please don’t thank me, thank yourself. You gave me this opportunity.”

The two really hit it off and continued to message each other through the same account. May we all be so lucky. Not only did Richard end the semester with his UBill paid for and homework done, but with a deeply personal (and sometimes erotic) friendship that will last a lifetime, or until his password expires and the University forces him to create a new one.