Student Spotlight: Guy Who Hits on Girls in ICON Discussion Posts

19 year-old Chase Hopkins, a second-year Finance major, found a new, innovative way to attract the ladies. The Doily Allergen sat down with him to discuss his dating history and his new strategy in the dating field.

“You know, I’ve tried everything. I went out to bars and hit on girls, I stopped them in the street and hit on them, I even tried dating apps, and still nothing. What does a man [boy] have to do to get a date around here without being called a creep?”

Chase told us about his rather tragic dating history. Tragic, not for Chase, but for all the women who went on dates with him. 

“And when I finally snagged a date with this one hot chick, she got mad at me for trying to teach her how important the stock market is. All I was trying to do was get her to invest in her financial future and she walked out of Airliner. But I think I just was looking in the wrong place.” 

He wasn’t sure if it was the mansplaining or the three beers he had on that 20-minute date, but Chase was finally struck with his brilliant idea. 

“It just hit me. I want an educated woman, so why not look where the education is happening, ICON?” 

Chase took to the discussion post in his GenEd ‘Arts of Africa’ course, to stir up some action in his dating life. He responded to his classmate Sarah Henderson’s discussion post with, 

“Hey Sarah, loved your response to this Kenyan sculpture, it was hella smart. But it’s not the only piece of art I’m looking at in class. Are you an artist, cause you’re really good at drawing me in. You, me, Formosa Friday night?” 

Unfortunately for Chase, his moves were not quite smooth enough, and he was blocked for the rest of the semester from posting discussion posts, and given an F on his discussion post assignment. Sarah also declined his invitation to Formosa because he never spoke to her in person, and found the post to be extremely uncomfortable. 

But Chase is still determined to find his one true love. At any costs to his academic record.

“This setback isn’t going to stop me. I still have an outlook account, and I’ll be back to posting on the discussion boards next semester, don’t worry ladies.  :)” 

The Doily would like to warn any women in Chase’s classes, and make sure to have your teacher block him on all discussion boards, we can’t let any women be subjected to any more of his mansplaining. Barb Wilson is now working with The Board of Regents to ban terrible pick-up lines and mansplaining campus-wide. Stay tuned to the Doily Allergen for more updates as those bills progress.