Sexual Tension In Zoom Breakout Room Reaches Boiling Point

Members of Breakout Room 4 in the 11:30 section of Victorian Literature reported that Monday’s class saw a peak of sexual tension between the group, none of whom had their cameras or microphones on.

“It all started when one of us briefly turned their microphone on, and turned all of us on in the process,” said sophomore Joseph Lu. “They unmuted and then re-muted themselves. You don’t do that unless you want to get somebody’s attention. Immediately I just thought to myself, “well then, someone’s a tease.'"

Despite not saying a single word to one another in the fifteen minute breakout room, every member we interviewed said that they would unquestioningly fuck any one of the eight other discussion “participants.” It should be noted that six of the nine members were unavailable or unwilling to comment, with a seventh simply replying “my mic is broken” over Zoom chat.

“All my friends didn’t get it,” Lu said. “They kept saying ‘how is there sexual tension if you can’t see anybody and nobody’s talking at all.’ But it’s the mystery. Oooh, baby, the mystery.”

According to Lu, the sexual tension between breakout room groups is rare and often gets interrupted by one overachieving piece of shit who introduces themselves and ruins the atmosphere by making everyone else begrudgingly talk. This made his experience with Breakout Room 4 all the more special.

Lu added that the tension carried over into the class period even after the breakout room had ended.

“When the professor asked us to summarize our discussion, everyone just sat there not saying a word, totally disregarding what he had just asked of us,” he said. “I just about came right then and there. We have some real bad boys in this class.”