REVIEW: The University Student Handbook

Did you know we had one of those?

Here at the Doily Allergen, it’s a sad fact that none of our writers can read. It’s true, good reader: We’re jealous of your ability to understand these strange arcane sigils, and all of our articles are dictated to the gnome that sits in the corner of our meeting scribbling. So, we figured it’s about time to learn how to read, and decided to start with the book that began it all: The University Student Handbook.

One of the greatest novels of the 21st century, The University Student Handbook is much more than just a handbook… it’s a way of life. We wept at its beautiful prose outlining the requirements for a bachelor’s degree, and we cried when we learned that you’re not allowed to drink a bottle of vodka during your morning lecture or throw it at your RA. Even the gnome found himself moved by the poignancy of the grading system, bursting into tears (though that was maybe because he’d been slowly sounding out the words for us for three hours straight by that point).

Every morning, our writers have been repeating the attendance mantra (“Each course may have different class attendance and absence policies, and these are set by the instructor” Att 1.1), and we haven’t missed a lecture since! The characters, from the stalwart “student” to the insightful “instructor,” have warmed our hearts and successfully altered us to the dangers of academic probation. The plot was kind of hard to follow, though. We tried to get the gnome to explain it to us, but he kept saying things like “There is no plot! It’s a handbook!” What a guy!

Final Rating: 5 HERKYS OUT OF 5!