Pumpkins, Fun Sized Candy Final Beacons of Light Before Seasonal Depression Kicks In

There are many wonderful ways to celebrate spooky season. Pumpkin carving, fun sized candy bars, however you choose to participate this year, be sure not to think about the fact that after October 31, nothing will stand between you and a painful descent into seasonal depression.

If you go to an apple orchard and take a haunted hayride, do not take a moment to notice how gray the sky is. Do not think about how you haven’t seen the sun in almost a week. You’ll need to get used to the bleakness as soon as possible, because once everyone’s jack-o-lanterns begin to rot, there is nothing else to distract you from the bleak, miserable reality that is a Midwestern winter.

You still might think there’s benefits to chilly weather. Finally, you can wear those adorable boots you got on sale back in April. Focus on how shiny they are right now, because soon enough, they’ll be covered in a disgusting slush of half-melted snow and salt from walking to class in a dejected stupor.

And all those gorgeous fall leaves? Forget about it. Soon enough, the trees will be as dry and barren as the well of happiness inside you.

You just couldn’t help it, could you? Getting one last kick of serotonin from one of those tiny Butterfinger bars before everything around you turned to shit in the cold and dark. Well, eat it up while you can. Spend as much time as possible getting drunk in your clever little Halloween costume, because you are in for another four month long hangover.