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Charlotte Hagen

Professors Hate Him! English Major Narrowly Avoids EPB Classes for a Semester

EPB

The EPB, otherwise known as the English-Philosophy building, has gained a kind of infamy only rivaled by the quality of Burge Dining Hall’s lettuce. In a poll conducted by Business Insider, Iowans ranked the building as the worst in the state. After spending a few classes there, you’ll notice their concerns are not entirely unfound. Poorly ventilated classrooms, narrow, cramped hallways, and random bumps and thumps haunt the halls of the English majors’ home. The building has been stubborn, almost entirely unchanged from the riot-proof architecture of the 60s and 70s. 


Thought once to be impossible, one English major has finally broken free of the EPB curse. Lee Marron, from the Chicago suburbs (though he won’t specify which), has found a schedule that avoids any EPB classes.


“Oh, it was tough,” Marron admitted in an interview, “but after enough messing around on schedule builder, I managed to find a compromise.”


His secret? Switch majors.


“No, seriously! It’s the only way,” he insisted. “You’re never going to get out of there otherwise, man.” 


Marron’s strategy, though surprising, seems to work. The interviewer followed him around for a day and witnessed consistent AC, brightly-lit classrooms, and could clearly hear teachers and students alike over the ventilation. Other than a few brief glimpses of it in the library, the EPB almost ceased to exist.


Though happy about the quality-of-life changes, Marron expressed some disappointment with his decision. “I mean, Kate Torno (Iowa’s undergrad English advisor) will probably kill me. I haven’t officially done the switch yet, but I’ve been slowly building more and more classes at Pappajohn and the chem building. I don’t even mind being at Schaefer since it’s so close to everything else.”


Marron said he was unsure what his new major would be, but he highly recommends his so-called “EPB Cleanse”. This option seems to be improbable while remaining in the major for the time being, but it just might grab the attention of a few students who are through with Iowa’s ugliest building.

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