Professor Would Prefer Everyone Forget About That Zoom Meeting Where He Fought With His Wife

In an email to his students, Women Studies Professor Jason Callaway addressed the fight he had with his wife during a course Zoom call, asking for everyone to “help a homie out” while filling out the ACE Course Evaluations.

“So, hey. Listen. A couple weeks ago when we were reviewing the glass ceiling, you guys saw a private conversation between my wife and I don’t think we need to specify which conversation I’m talking about. Anyway, I’m hoping that you guys could maybe be chill about that whole thing. First off, when I suggested she ‘get off my freakin back,’ I was really just asking her to respect my space and my alone time. I know it came off harsh, but the whole ‘You’re just like your selfish mother!’ thing was actually an inside joke. No need to mention it in the evals. Also, I know you all had to sit there in silence while she aggressively vacuumed right outside my door for 25 minutes. I had actually spilled a bunch of crumbs, so even though she yelled at me to ‘shove it up my pretentious ass,’ it was just a coincidence she interrupted our class and undermined me in front of my students. Some of you sent me emails about the comment I made when I called her a ‘nagging bitch who needs to learn some damn respect.’ Look, you guys know me. I would never say that. I mean, I did say it, but only once. And of course I think that my wife is capable of far more than just ‘cooking dinner’ and ‘flirting with her boss,’ because she is a strong independent female and I respect her. So please don’t write about when I told her ‘I don’t respect you.’”

At this point, Callaway attached a photo of Justice Ruth Bader Gindsberg wearing a crown with a filter and the caption, “A sexist person wouldn’t have a photo of RBG as his phone background like I do!”

“My wife wanted me to extend an apology on her behalf. She said she regrets calling me a ‘little bitch boy who can’t please her.’ Just so you know, I totally can. I wrote my dissertation on the clitoris. So feel free to put that in your course evaluations.”

UI sophomore Tammy Dykstra said she plans on giving Calloway a good evaluation because she’s never seen anyone cry that much in her entire life.