Point-Counterpoint: Should We Diarrhea in the Main Library?

POINT: Do Not Diarrhea in the Main Library

Listen, we’ve all been there: four hot dogs, two coffees, and zero glasses of water in… when you start to feel a little strange. If you’re lucky, you can hold it until you get to the comfort of your own home, but oftentimes, that’s not an option. There are many do’s and don’ts to diarrhea-ing in public, and since it happens to just about everyone, it’s essential that we have an open and honest discussion about it.

Do NOT diarrhea in the bathroom on the first floor of the Main Library, or the first floor of any building, might I add! The first floor is a dangerous place, filled with people zooming in and out, just trying to relieve themselves. Generally, the first floor is great for a quick in-and-out. You might run into a professor or ex-friend, and you don’t want to be in a vulnerable spot with nature calling so violently. You want to be professional, quick, and charming.

I understand the struggle of needing to go and then going to the nearest bathroom, but you are just going to have to run up a flight of stairs and get to the second floor. The best-case scenario would be running up to the 4th or even 5th floor, but I get it, sometimes you don’t have time. The 4th and 5th floor create such a positive environment for diarrhea: the old stalls mend to your tush, the silence allows concentration, and the lack of people provides comfort and confidence.

A general rule of thumb: never poop in the busiest bathroom of a building, ever. Not just for your own sake, but others too. You don’t want to be smelling up the entire first floor of the Main Library! You don’t want that on your conscience, I promise. Smelling up the ratty fourth floor, though, seems more ethical. Do what you have to do, but remember to be an upstanding citizen for yourself and others.

COUNTERPOINT: When you gotta go, you gotta go.