Parents Too Invested in Campus Tour To Notice Son Ditched Them Two Hours Ago

Tim and Nora Lancy, too busy humble-bragging their campus tour guide about how many college credits their son Josh received in high school, failed to notice that he straight-up ditched them two hours ago.

“Oh yeah, we have no idea where he is. He’s been gone for most of the tour but the campus is so gosh darn beautiful I couldn’t bring myself to notice. I’ve been busy reminding Tim of our freshman year and all our wonderful memories. I really piqued in college. Standing here, on the beautiful lawn, it really takes me back. I know Josh is going to love it here.”

Reporters found Josh at Chipotle with a burrito in his hand and a bright yellow bag suspiciously shoved under a nearby seat.

“Listen, I can’t be here with my parents. It looks stupid. I’m 17, I think that gives me the liberty to roam around in a strange city by myself. Also, while you’re here, can I borrow a five? I need to pay for this. ”