Opinion: We Should Moon the Tour Groups

Tired of those pesky parents parading around your campus like they own the place? Do you get whiplash from those big yellow bags? Tired of old people crowding Burge Market Place? Don’t you just wish we could get rid of them in one fell swoop? Hey, you said it, not me!

Well, I’ve come up with one simple solution: We should start mooning the tour groups!

It’s so easy. Whenever you see a group of parents taking pictures of every building they see accompanied by their unenthusiastic teenager that would rather be playing Fortnite than going on a 9:00 a.m. campus tour, just turn around and pop the trunk! The tour will end prematurely and that’s one less crowd of middle-aged men you have to dodge when trying to walk to class.

Trust me, I’ve tried it myself and I only have six more months on my prison sentence. It was a necessary evil to quell off those damned tour groups.