“OMG is that a pupper in the background???” Writes Insufferable Brown Noser in Zoom Chat

Listen, we get it. It’s only human to get excited after seeing a cute dog playing behind your Teaching and Reading Adolescent Literature TA in the middle of an online class. We can excuse eagerly texting a friend in the class to inform them that there is, in fact, a cute dog playing behind your instructor. But fuck, we’ve had it up to HERE with the teacher’s pets in Zoom chats who don’t know the difference between appreciating a dog and crawling up the professor’s ass for a big ol’ kiss.

Tyler Patterson, an English and Creative Writing major, clearly has no comprehension of this divide. Every other class, this guy has to point out that our TA’s shih tzu is in the background doing absolutely nothing of significance. To our chagrin, our boss Kyle made us interview Tyler to understand his defense for this annoying-ass behavior.

“I really don’t see the problem here,” Tyler claims, and we all roll our eyes. “I’m just letting the TA know their doggo is the goodest and cutest doggo of all time. Anyone who would get upset over this is clearly an icky cat person. Smol puppers for life! UwU!”

Good fucking lord.

The TA in question, Sydney Novak, provided their comment on the situation through the Zoom private message feature.

“While I do appreciate a teacher’s pet every now and again, Tyler needs to take things down a notch. I’d like to go one class without him saying something kinda weird about my dog,” Sydney says. “I love Rufus, and he’s a cute dog, but is it really necessary to call him ‘the smollest bean of a pupper’ all the time? It gets creepy after a while.”

While we all love a good dog chasing its tail or chewing on a toy, we don’t feel the need to announce it to the whole goddamn world. Chill out. If Tyler would like to continue acting like an obsequious bitch, we suggest he email Sydney directly and lick some boots where the rest of the class can’t see it.