New UI Class Explains Iowa Ave and Madison Intersection

A new UI course, Impossible Intersections and How to Cross Them, finally explains the intersection at the bottom of the Pentacrest.

The Iowa Ave and Madison junction, infamous for uncertain jaywalking and awkward eye contact between confused drivers and pedestrians, was recently deemed ‘a massive clusterfuck,’ by Iowa City’s City Planning. The university responded this semester with its first education effort.

“With seemingly random stoplight patterns, the Iowa Ave and Madison junction can be tricky,” said course professor, Bernard Ernst. “But a safe and enjoyable crossing is possible.”

Ernst uses a variety of methods, including live stream video, visual diagrams, crosswalk-theory, and interactive exercises like Red Light, Green Light and human-Frogger.

“From a pedestrian perspective, the white walking signal will appear after the green arrow on Madison. Sometimes. Other times, it’s before the green arrow,” Ernst said. “Also, the walking signal doesn’t work at all on Tuesdays, Fridays, or non-religious holidays. If a car honks at you while you have the walking signal, you can and should fight the driver. And remember, the first Thursday of each month, you must sacrifice a fellow pedestrian.”

According to Ernst’s students, the course is rigorous and challenging, but also rewarding.

“I tried the zig-zag approach, where you try to sneak up on the intersection. But I got hit by a biker.” UI student Emily Grossman said. “It was my bad. I should have gone with the run and hope technique.”

Recent reports show that 98% of enrolled students are failing the course, while 2% were killed by cars during the first exam.