Natural History Museum Reveals Contingency Plan In Case Of “Night At The Museum Scenario”

On Monday, the University of Iowa Museum of Natural History revealed their plan to protect the public from their exhibits in the event that a magical spell causes them to come back to life, as occurs in the classic Ben Stiller family comedy Night at the Museum.

“That film was fiction,” said Avery Sanderson, the museum director. “But the truth is that every museum employee has lived in fear since it was released. After years of dread and denial, our staff finally accepted the reality of this threat and decided to prepare.”

Many of the exhibits in the Natural History museum are harmless—fossilized plants and shells, insects, and common wildlife like rabbits. However, other specimens could pose problems.

“Obviously, many of the dead animals we’ve got locked up in here are dangerous predators,” said Sanderson. “That’s why we’ve replaced all the glass protecting the exhibits with a foot of lead that no lion or platypus could hope to get through. Sure, now your kids can’t see the animals, but they also wouldn’t be able to see if one of the bats got through and scooped out their eyeballs.”

Sanderson says the staff has also taken measures to secure the animals who are not displayed behind barriers. Notably, an automated tranquilizer gun has been set up to shoot Rusty the Giant Sloth at the first sign of movement. However, there are limits to their ability to protect patrons of the museum.

“We’ve taken absolutely no steps to secure the Hall of Birds,” Sanderson said. “If the birds come alive, we have to shut that part of the museum off forever. It will be a lawless place.”