Missed Your First Class? Try This Easy Life Hack!

Ruh-roh, if you’re reading this, it looks like you missed your first class of the semester, you utter buffoon! Who misses their first fucking class? Only an idiot, obviously. So try this life hack to rectify your unfathomably shameful behavior: drop the fucking class, asshole.

Now, you could just look up how to do that, of course, but you won’t, because you’re a lazy piece of shit, so I’ve got to do everything for you, you fungus. Maybe if you hadn’t missed your first class of the year, after an entire summer to prepare for that first literal hour (barely enough time to claim it interrupted whatever you “had to” be doing, but way too long to claim you just “got distracted,” you pompous fool), then maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation. But we are, due to your utter incompetence, so here’s how to drop that class so you never have to wallow in the righteous shame of your professor’s unflinching gaze:

Step 1:

Sign in to MyUI with your HawkID, obviously, and navigate to the COURSES/REGISTRATION section. We have to put it in all caps so you know what to look for, considering your brain’s so fucking smooth.

Step 2:

Look through the list of your courses (all of which you’re clearly too stupid to comprehend the material and should probably just drop out entirely, but that’s another article), and find the course you wish to drop. In the row of the course you want to drop, in case it isn’t apparent to the single neuron residing in your oversized skull, click on the Drop link.

Step 3:

You will then need to confirm that you wish to drop, because the University knows it can’t trust you with anything, you dunderheaded bag of ass. And if you’ve waited so ungodly long to amend your shameful idiocy that already six days have passed since the start of the semester, you’ll need your advisor’s permission too, since at that point everyone’s even more convinced of your unmitigated bêtise. No, I won’t explain how to do that, or what “bêtise” means. Figure it out, jagoff. Fuck you!

Step 4:

After confirming (clicking the red Drop button, since I apparently have to say that a million fucking times to get it through the sheer thickness of your barren dome), you will be taken back to your schedule and, assuming you did even a single thing on this list correctly, which is really not an assumption anyone should be making, you obtuse dickwad, you should see a green confirmation bar at the top of the page indicating you have completed the drop. Make sure the course is no longer in your schedule, since sometimes it’ll still be there just as a punishment for the absolute folly and damnation of your chowderheaded existence, you fucking dolt.

Hope this helps! Have a good semester! :)