Lagging UIDM Member Still Going Strong Five Days In

Freshman Stephen Stevens decided to join UIDM with high hopes of popping, locking, and dropping with the best of them in the IMU. When he learned of Dance Marathon moving online due to COVID, he was disappointed but determined to make the best of it. His goal was to be the last one standing, and he was, albeit at a cost.

When Stephen logged on to dance with the other UIDM nerds, his computer was able to support the three hundred person meeting. But as the event continued, he started to have some serious issues.

“My computer took a shit about an hour in,” said Stevens. “The Frames Per Minute must’ve slowed to like twenty. Two days passed and only a few people dropped out; three days passed and there were still like two hundred people on. I just thought to myself, damn, these people really have some stamina but I’m gonna make them my bitch, and those dying kids are going to think I’m their God.”

Five days passed and Stevens was still dancing, until his computer eventually shut down.

Stevens finished Dance Marathon with nerve damage, five bone fractures, and severe dehydration. He was admitted to the Stead Family Children’s Hospital, as he is only eighteen. Stevens commented about his stay at UIHC, saying “I knew just for a week how it felt to be the kids we were dancing for.”

Stevens asked UIDM to use some of their money to pay for his hospital stay, claiming it was negligent on their part for having a three hundred person Zoom meeting instead of canceling the event altogether. The organization promptly told Stevens that his injuries were “entirely his fault” and that his dance moves were shitty anyway.