Iowa Business Majors Forced To Enroll In Real Classes

In a shocking turn of events, Iowa business students are being required to take real classes before they graduate. Gone are the days of 2:30-3:20pm naptime and independent study classes being used to drink beer: Tippie is now mandating that all business students take one major-related class per semester. 

We spoke with fourth-year business student Luke Johnson about this distressing choice. 

DA: How has this new requirement changed your upcoming class schedule? 

LJ: Dude, this blows. I can’t believe I might have to actually study instead of going out four days a week. My social life is ruined! 

DA: Oh, I’m sure. What class is Woke Tippie making you take? 

LJ: I have to take Statistics for Business. I’m pissed, because that’s at the same time as Beer Pong II, which I really wanted to take this semester. 

DA: Isn’t Statistics for Business a 1000 level class? 

LJ: That’s harder than anything I’ve taken here! I thought 1000 was the highest it went because that’s the biggest number I know…

DA: Uh huh. 

LJ: Anyway, I’ve heard that class is hard! I’m bad at math, so I’m expecting to have a bad time. 

DA: What, is the final gonna be calculating the mean or something? 

LJ: What’s that? 

Well, you heard it here first! We wish Luke and other struggling business students the best of luck finding probabilities from a table and somehow still figuring out ways to cheat on open-note exams since they skipped all the lectures.