Herky Becomes Proud Hawkeye Parent; Easter Egg Hunt Canceled

Yesterday morning, members of the Campus Activities Board were shocked to find that the eggs they had painstakingly painted and hidden across the Pentacrest lawn had gone missing. 

Reports of theft, trigger-happy hunters, and sly egg-cracking pranksters flooded UIPD’s voicemail, but it was all moot. For this was no crime, but simply a case of parental instincts kicking in at an inopportune time. 

This Easter weekend, our very own Herky the Hawk has made the big leap to become a papa.

The news came when various Iowa parent Facebook groups began seeing influxes of posts a little outside of their usual feeds. One post in Hawkeye ‘28 Parents, from user Herk Hawkman, reads: 

“Hi Hawkeyes! Hoping to get a little advice here. I have 149 incoming freshmen living in Catlett—can anyone point me toward the site where I can request cameras in their rooms? Just want to make sure they’re going to class and staying on top of laundry, but I can only find maintenance requests :/” 

This and other posts like it appeared in numerous groups, including UIowa Athlete Parents, Hawkeye Introverted Dads, and Iowa Mamas for Christian Kiddos. 

Various CAB members were in uproar upon hearing of the theft, but reportedly softened due to the nature of the crime. 

“We had no idea the eggs were fertilized,” reports an anonymous CAB officer, “We got them from the grocery store. I think we thought plastic eggs and chicken eggs could do the same job. No wonder the paint process was so messy.” An Easter miracle indeed. 

Herky’s progeny are expected to make their way into your classes during finals week. Look forward to them butchering the curve!