Hawkeye Marching Band Takes Music Off Spotify To Protest Joe Rogan

In a shocking turn of events this week, the University of Iowa Marching Band has announced plans to take their music off of Spotify in order to protest Joe Rogan and his vaccine misinformation. With classic songs such as “Hawkeye Marching Band Arrangement #7” and “Beethoven’s 5th, but just the clarinet 2 part”, the news has sent shockwaves throughout the music-listening world.

The Marching Band put out a press release Thursday saying “We are doing this because Rogan is spreading fake information about vaccines — potentially causing death to those who believe the disinformation being spread by them. You can have Rogan or HMB. Not both.”

Rogan himself even posted a video on his Instagram page talking about the situation. In the video, Rogan says “Listen, I’m a Hawkeye Marching Band fan, I’ve always been a Hawkeye Marching Band fan. So I’m very sorry that they feel that way about my gross abuse of my platform. I hope one day they can put their music back onto Spotify so that we all may enjoy their silky smooth melodies and groovy beats.”

Famed deceased musician John Lennon even made a ghostly appearance in support of the Marching Band. “When I first heard the Hawkeye Marching Band was being taken off of Spotify, I turned to my buddy Paul, and I says to him, I said ‘Oh what a shame that their music won’t be on there anymore.’ and Paul was like ‘Imagine all the people, living life in peace… if only the Hawkeye Marching Band could be on spotify once again.’ and I was like ‘write that down’”.

The Doily Allergen recently reached out to a representative of Spotify who had this to say about the famous marching band “Fuck all of them man! Who needs ‘em? We got Joe freakin Rogan, the most prolific failed comedian turned pseudoscience peddler in the world! If the Hawkeye Marching Band wants back in, then they’re going to have to crawl back on their hands and knees and beg for their 28 cent a year payout back.”

Maybe all of this will finally make Spotify realize that it backed the wrong horse. Who needs some bald washed up comedian talking to Neil Degrasse Tyson or some shit when you could have the Hawkeye Marching Band playing in your ears anytime you want? We here at The Doily Allergen think the choice is pretty clear.