Greek Life Marches on Troy

Muse, sing to me the rage,

The awesome rage of Bradrick, son of some guy,

Whose epic pranks brought countless woes upon campus security,

And sent forth many complaints to University Housing and Dining,

Complaints which were promptly feasted upon by shredders and trash cans;

And thus, the plan of Josh, president of Sigma Gamma Lambda, was set in motion,

From the time Bradrick and Luke, son of some other guy, were parted in-argument.

Who then of the ΣΓΛ leadership council was to blame for this fight?

Bradrick, for he was the one to call Luke a bozo,

Which unleashed an evil pestilence of slippery rumors,

But all because Luke spoke ill of the Sigma Omega Sigma sorority.

For their president, Jess, held in her hands the power of a thousand Snap stories,

Which strike from afar, and implored ΣΓΛ, but most of all their council,

Which marshalled their people, “Sons of dudes, and you party-going Iowans,

To you the University may have allowed you to… sack Troy, for whatever reason,

And return safe to your home; but release us from this slander and accept peace

On account of us not getting mutually disbanded from the University.”

Then all the frat bros shouted their assent,

To reverence to Jess and fear of her close friends story,

Yet this did not please the heart of Luke, who sent her away harshly, saying

“Let me not find you, bro, by our party ships,

Tarrying now or sidling by later,

And let your phone and contacts not protect you.

I will not take back my shit-talking.

Sooner shall leadership turn you over,

Than we shall renounce our words against you.

But go, and let us sack Troy for the hell of it.”