Gay, Trans Bottoms Get Bottom Surgery at Summit

Summit is Iowa City’s favorite heterosexual safe space. It’s the one place a homophobe can go and not have to worry about encountering any of those LGBTQABCDQWERTY1234UIOWABELIEBER’s out there.

At least until finals week at the University of Iowa. Last weekend, Summit saw a sudden and unexpected flood of queer people through their doors. The straggots seethed at seeing all the blue-haired, androgynous folk within the walls of their last bastion. No longer was Summit a space to wear wrinkly button-downs with cargo shorts, place bets on who could 1v1 Caitlin Clark easy no cap, and spike womens’ drinks.

The reason for the increase of queer people in Summit is believed to be caused by this poster being placed outside Studio 13:

This singular poster caused gay, trans bottoms to swarm to Summit like the termites in that one Spongebob episode.

Makeshift surgical tables were set up in Summit and the gay, trans bottoms lined up to have their genitals replaced. Some trans women were even found donating their excess members to trans men out of the goodness of their hearts.

The heteros didn’t know what to do now that they could no longer be safely bigoted in their home. They fleeted to the streets of Iowa City in search of another Summit. And as the straggots crossed over the horizon, they were never seen again.

In better news, this poster was just posted outside of Studio 13 for next weekend’s venture to Summit!