Gabe's Bar Temporarily Closed after Someone Walks in Wearing Deodorant

The regular hustle and bustle of Gabes bar came to a screeching halt on Friday night at 11:37pm when University of Iowa student, Sergio Plate, entered the space, clearly fresh out of the shower, smelling like Old Spice’s famous scent Dragonblast. Noses turned up and off of the good smell.

Doily conducted an investigation to assess how something like this could’ve happened. Plate claims he wanted to get cleaned up before hitting the town, as he went to the gym mid-day. This appeared to be his first mistake.

Doily’s theory is that the noses of the regulars at Gabe’s bar are so accustomed to the horrific smells of the space that they couldn’t handle a good one. Walking into a puff of a putrid scent is simply the expectation at Gabes. When Old Spice’s Dragonblast was sniffed, it was as if an unknown virus entered the body, the bar, and the white blood cells. Gay alt people couldn’t help but attack.

As Plate walked through the door, the bouncer sniffed the air and jumped up, watching Sergio with an eagle eye. He reached for a red button labeled “DEODORANT” under the table and alarms blared through the space. Unfortunately everyone assumed the alarms were the opening of “Ring the Alarm” by Beyoncé, so they started dancing harder, and were taken even further aback when Dragonblast came wafting through the space. Once the Gabes go-ers caught a whiff of the air, however, they understood what the alarms were for, and scattered. The space cleared in a total of 57 seconds - nothing but feathers, leather, and Sergio Plate remained at Gabes by 11:38pm.

The bar ended up closing for the rest of the night and kept doors open to air the place out. Gabes was back to their usual antics and smells by Saturday night. Thank god.