Five UI Summer Classes You’ll Wish You Signed Up For

The window to register for summer classes is closing. In most semesters, this would mean the window to fall on your knees before MyUI and beg for admission to the course you need to graduate in time is fast approaching. However, this summer, the University has opened several new courses that students staying in Iowa City won’t want to miss.

1) Wine Tasting 2100

Yeah, you’re reading that right… UI is offering a wine tasting class. If you’ve ever wondered how to properly swirl a glass around with one raised eyebrow, or if you want to try wine spitting except you just swallow the wine instead, look no further. Communication Studies TA Grace Rymel will help you learn the skills you’ll need to differentiate between the $6 cheap wine you use for sangria and the $6.50 pricey wine you bring to parties.

If you’re worried about lack of experience, don’t fret. The class is entry-level, so you won’t be learning actual sommelier lessons so much as how to sip at the $5.50 bottle your friend brought and go “this sucks.”

2) Under-Vodka Basket-Weaving 3270

We’ve all heard of Underwater Basket-Weaving, which the swim team coaches and textile arts department collaborate on each semester. However, this summer, the two have joined forces with local bars to add a twist to an old UI favorite.

Basket-weaving instructor Amy Magnussen and Summit manager Colin Clarke will be co-teaching the class, which promises to wrinkle your brain just as much as it will burn your eyes.

3) Calling Your Parents While Hungover 3500

This course is a must have if you’re taking any other course on this list, or frankly just staying in Iowa City this summer regardless of what you’re doing here. Parents calling to check in is a near certainty for many UI students, and odds are you’ll be hungover when it happens.

Theater professor Sam Caputo will help you whip together a believable performance to get you off the hook.

Caputo will also be offering fall semester courses, so be on the lookout for Flipping The Script Calling Your Parents While They’re Drunk 3800. Now there’s a power play.

4) Not Looking Like You’re Going To Throw Up In Your Mouth During Every Shot Of Fireball Or Honestly Most Liquors Because Let’s Face It Most Of Them Taste Like Purell 4850

Are shots just not your forte? Do you have to fight back spitting tequila everywhere to not look lame in front of your friends? Do you think vodka companies could stand to make their product taste a little bit less like SPF 30? Fear not. Reigning shot king of Iowa City Daniel Dacosta will be teaching twelve lucky students how to not look like you want to die after taking your friends up on a shot of fireball. This course is selective, and requires an application video.

“This isn’t for everyone,” Dacosta said. “And I don’t tolerate no bitch shit. I’m a busy dude. That said, don’t tell anyone I said this, but aren’t shots the literal worst? Like, blechckh.”

5) Signing Up For Alcoholism Research Surveys 1300

Well, well, well. Fall semester has started and you seem to have developed a debilitating case of alcoholism. Luckily, you can get paid for that. But how to sign up? That’s where this course, taught by local alcoholic Frank Luker, comes in. Come September, research participant openings will be flooding in, and this course will prepare you to seize the opportunities to keep your screwdriver addiction alive and well.