Evergreen Cargo Boat Stuck In CRWC Swimming Pool

Less than a week after being freed from its trade-halting position in the Suez Canal, the Ever Given cargo ship was reported yesterday to have gotten stuck in the swimming pool in the Campus Recreation and Wellness Center (CRWC). Campus officials and some of UI’s stronger swimmers have already begun efforts to dislodge the 100,000-ton ship.

Officials remain confused as to how the ship became stuck in the CRWC in the first place without damaging the building. Climate experts have suggested freak winds as the most likely cause.

CRWC director Skylar Carson spoke at a press conference on the matter.

“After having crippled global commerce to the tune of around nine billion dollars a day, the notorious Evergreen boat has turned its eyes to Iowa, and has so far blocked approximately five students from using our aquatic facilities. We expect that this in total could cost up to eleven or twelve swimmers not being able to practice in the rec center – possibly more if we’re unlucky.”

In the midst of the crisis, however, Carson and her colleagues at the CRWC have found a silver lining.

“Frankly, since the pandemic and the swim team losing its funding, we’re just happy at least someone’s using the pool,” she said. “Maybe once they get the ship out it’ll stop for a smoothie or something. Imagine that. Holy smokes.”