Doily’s Sluttiest Male Halloween Costumes

We here at the Doily Allergen have noticed an overabundance of slutty women out on Halloweekend. Most men opt to wear a random NBA jersey or some onesie and call it a costume. You’re all too lazy. WHERE ARE ALL THE SLUTTY MEN???

So, here is the Doily Allergen’s list of the sluttiest male Halloween costumes (in no particular order):

1. Shirtless cowboy

The classic.

2. Shirtless Magic Mike

You don’t have the body you think you do, but go ahead and wear that tie.

3. Shirtless Heather Chandler (From Heathers)

Nghhh.

4. Shirtless Cop

I wouldn't be able to resist this one.

5. Shirtless Playboy Bunny

Who said the boys can't be one??

6. Shirtless Lifeguard

Can't go wrong with this one.

7. Shirtless Firefighter

What starts with “F” and ends with “ucking rail me”?

8. Shirtless Heather Duke (From Heathers)

Ughhsnnnnhmmmm.

9. Shirtless Doctor

Doctor, doctor! My butt has a crack in it!

10. Shirtless R2D2

Beep beep. Wahhhhh.

11. Shirtless Male English Professor

FUCK OH MY GOD.

12. Shirtless One Punch Man

The ass has to be bald too.

13. Shirtless Heather McNamara (From Heathers)

Need need need need need need need where my femboys at?

14. Shirtless McDonald’s Employee

This takes the cake for the scariest costume on this list.

15. Shirtless Human Centipede

Couldn’t include a pic for this one.

16. Shirtless Jason Dean (From Heathers)

Ummmmm.

17. Shirtless Feminist

(6’8” btw)

18. Shirtless Pirate and/or Knight.

You’ll be extra safe.

19. Shirtless Martha Dunnstock (From Heathers)

Gyat damn…

20. Shirtless Cat (From Cats)

Meow.

21. Shirtless Frodo Baggins

You could wear a wig.

22. Shirtless Woman

Ummmm uhh um uh um uh um uhhh.

23. Ken

We know all of you motherfuckers are gonna be dressed as him you unoriginal pieces of shit you probably went to Oppenheimer instead of Barbie. Go fuck yourself. Don’t bother going out at all. Save yourself the embarrassment. I will personally rip that stupid fucking fanny pack off your waist. You better pray I don’t see your sorry ass in this dumbass costume. Fuck you.

There it is! Doily’s top slutty male Halloween costumes! Make sure to stay safe, stay warm, and check your candy for razors. Happy Halloween!