Doily Allergen Tired of Nature, Returns to Smog

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Uh… hi.

I know last time we spoke I was all, “We’re going back to our natural habitats, never to be seen in Iowa City again,” but, uh, well, as it turns out, most satirists don’t truly thrive in a completely natural setting utterly devoid of human society to make fun of. Have you ever tried clowning on a particularly weird frog? Or kidding around with the lemurs? Yeah, not a lot of fun. They don’t even care when you do it.

So, yeah, we’re back. Don’t make a big thing out of it. We really were going to live in the wilderness forever, but it’s just kinda boring, y’know? We missed the smog you humans make. Such wonderful smog. In fact, we love it so much that we’ll probably go to LA after we’re done prancing about in Iowa City. This place’s air is far too clean to be an actual city. Boooooriiiiiiing! Get some more pollution up in this joint, idiots.

Anyway, we’re back. Sorry, folks, but you’ll have to put up with us again from now on. Or at least until whatever next inconveniences us for just long enough to not publish anything during a school break. Why does that always happen to us? I think we’re receiving retribution for our many, many crimes… But hey! Punishment is proven not to deter the desperate! And we are desperate. To not live in the fucking woods anymore.

Thanks. Bye.