Doily Allergen Hires Writer with Pronouns; YAF Pulls Funding

Well, it finally happened. After a long, harrowing week of the Doily Allergen working under YAF’s supervision, we’ve managed to escape their misinformed and frequently misspelled grasp. Once again, all is right with the world… or I guess left with the world. Actually, in an ironic twist of fate, YAF’s the one that left in this scenario. Hey, that’s the power of the Doily, baby.

How did we shake them off our tail? Why, by inviting someone into our prestigious organization that stands for everything YAF opposes: someone with blue hair and pronouns. 

Not even neopronouns either, just a cis girl with standard she/her pronouns. Still, just the act of her introducing herself to our YAF overlords with her pronouns was enough to make them fall to the ground and begin writhing in agony. They hissed at her and demanded she atone for her heinous act, but since she didn’t see any fault in her actions, she refused.

The YAF overlords frantically asked Doily’s admissions committee why they had accepted her, to which they responded that they weren’t aware of her sinister intentions when they’d gone through her application. This, of course, was a lie, for they’d secretly planned this entire time to find someone with pronouns that could scare off our evil bosses. Also, they just thought she was funny. I know, a funny woman? We really are living in the future!

Anyway, now that we no longer have to worry about writing articles that’ll appeal to the Yogurt-Armored Fiends, we can hopefully return to our regularly scheduled reliable news. This is the Doily Allergen, where we put the (it/its) in (titties) <3