DOGE Budget Cuts Include All Iowa Men’s Sports

Elon Musk’s Department of Government Efficiency has ordered the University of Iowa—a state-funded institution—to cut tens of millions of dollars from its budget starting in 2026. 

Upon hearing this, University leaders made the wise decision to end the centuries-long experiment that was men competing under the Hawkeye name and returned the school to its roots.

The cut had reportedly been being talked about since the men’s basketball team choked in the second goddamn round of March Madness as a #2 seed with reigning collegiate player of the year, Luka Garza, on their team in 2021.