Dear Freshman: Don’t Pick Up Those Stupid Fucking Newspapers

Guess who’s back? That’s right. We’re back for real this time. Like, we swear this is the last time. Like, for real.

Anyways, in case you haven’t read every syllabus you’ve received this week: PLAGIARISM IS BAD!!

There is a leech on campus. Its name is The Daily Iowan. You may find their name slapped on those “newspapers” littered around campus. Be aware: this is plagiarism. The Doily Allergen is the only source of news you need. If you happen to spot the waste of ink known as The Daily Iowan, do not hesitate to place it in the trash.

Thank you,

The Doily Allergen <3 luv xoxo