Dear Doily: That Hentai Article Ruined My Relationship

Dear Doily,

I’m not sure if you remember this, but a few weeks ago (or years, let’s be real: This semester has gone on long enough), you released an article about hentai and fire alarms. And my boyfriend saw.

I thought I was safe to do some light Instagram scrolling and didn’t notice him looking over my shoulder. And then he got insulted because now he thinks I’m looking at hentai without him!

And no, he didn’t believe that I was reading an article. “What news would ever write about hentai?” Yeah. Thanks, Doily.

So now I’m in a pickle and I’ve decided to blame you. I can no longer scroll on my phone in good faith around him, and we can’t enjoy our weekly watch parties without him asking if I’ve already watched ahead. All because he saw the word “hentai” and got scared. But it’s your fault still, not his.

Please do better as a news outlet. Keep in mind who’s going to be visiting your Instagram (you don’t have a website, do you? Nah...) and factor that into what articles you write. Your audience is watching. And their boyfriends, apparently.

Prominently Pissed,

Soon to be Single

Dear Soon to be Single,

We’re very sorry about any emotional damage incurred by our articles from reading them in public. Or in your case, even your own home. 

The DA will be certain to keep your suggestions in mind (and cancel a few articles…). We wish you well on your future watch parties!

Yours Truly,

The Doily Allergen