Dear Doily: My Alumni Parents Regressed Too Hard During Family Weekend

Dear Doily,

I’ve been a fan of your publication for quite a while now, but I’ve never had a reason to write in until this weekend. You see, I’m a freshman at the University of Iowa and since my parents also went here for college, they were really excited to come down and visit me during Family Weekend. Normally, this wouldn’t have been a problem for me since I have a great relationship with my mom and dad. I thought we were just going to have a chill weekend watching the game and hanging out since I haven’t been able to see them much since I moved in. Boy was I wrong.

When they got here they were acting completely differently than they normally do. When we got to the football game to tailgate, they started drinking like nobody’s business. My dad even did a keg stand and my mom started chugging Jungle Juice out of a funnel. This was a side of them I had never seen before. They were completely sloshed before lunchtime! I thought everything would be alright and we could still enjoy the game together, but then they completely abandoned me right before the game started, and they had my ticket! So I couldn’t even get in. I had to sit outside Kinnick just eating one of those turkey legs and calling them nonstop. Finally at like 4 in the afternoon they came back and said “Oh, you’re still here? We thought you were right behind us. We went and watched the game at Field House. Did you know that place was still open?”

So finally we all headed back to my dorm in Burge. The plan was for them to get a hotel but they said they were too wasted to make it there and asked if they could crash in my room for the night. My roommate was gone for the weekend so I said sure. When I woke up the next morning, I found them passed out in the lounge with their pants off and the RAs on duty writing a report on them. Apparently, they got caught having “grown-up time” in the lounge. And now I have to go in for a conduct meeting!

I talked to a lot of my friends and they said their parents all did similar things during Family Weekend. One of my friends said that she thought her parents were trying to relive their college glory days and were just regressing because they were on campus again. And like, I get that, but I feel like they regressed maybe a little TOO hard, y’know?

Anyways, Doily Allergen, how do I talk to my parents and tell them I’m worried that they may be experiencing a mid-life crisis and regressed too hard during Family Weekend?

Sincerely,

Fresh and Fearful

Dear Fresh and Fearful,

It sucks that your parents did that. Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

-The Doily Allergen