Dear Doily: Have you seen my ladybugs?

Dear Doily, 

Have you seen my ladybugs? I’ve tried just about everything I can think of to get the word out but nothing has helped!

A few weeks ago, my closest friends (a thousand of them, to be precise) disappeared from my double in Burge residence hall. We were having such a great time watching Gilmore Girls and The Great Pumpkin, really celebrating the fall season on my futon. 

By the way, I really am very lucky to have a whole double to myself. You see, my roommate decided to drop out of school after only a week here. It’s a bummer but hey, more room for my friends. (Maybe it was all the luck from my ladybugs!)

Anyways, last week I went to pull the covers back on their twin-XL and they were gone! Every single one of them was missing: Spotty, Lucky, Missy, Spot, Lucky, and even Francene had vanished into thin air.

As any normal friend would do, I called the police. When they laughed at me, I put up missing posters. I tried to ask that sign guy if he had seen them, but I couldn’t find him anywhere!

So now I am coming to you, the most trusted news source on campus, to see if you have seen my ladybugs. They must be so scared out there all alone and I can’t fathom a life without them. 

Please, Doily, You are my Only Hope, 

LadybugLover69

Dear LadybugLover69, 

YOU.

Yours Truly,

The Doily Allergen.